Open Letter to Sensitivity Friendly Restaurants

I wrote this letter after going out for my squeeze's mother's birthday brunch, to the only restaurant in Vancouver that I know to be able to accommodate my food needs. Regardless of their goal to be food sensitivity friendly and be "a place where the whole family can eat," I still feel othered and upset by the way I must go about getting my needs met. I will send this letter to them in the hopes that they may change some of their practices.

Dear Aphrodite's,

I am someone who values your restaurant as the only one in Vancouver (that I have found) that accommodates my food sensitivities. I recently had brunch in the shop and, while the food I got was great and worked well for my health, a few things still upset me. I hope that you might be able to take into consideration some ideas for how to honour not only peoples' food sensitivities, but also to be sensitive enough for people to feel "normal" or no less valid in their needs than other customers.

Here are some things that would make eating out, for a person like me with serious digestive problems and a longer list of things I can't eat than things I can, a much more enjoyable experience:

1. Make a full list of ingredients available to any person who asks for specific information. This could mean having a menu with full ingredients listed available and giving one to each table, or asking if anyone at the table would like such a list, or having your servers memorize full lists (as someone who has often had a crucial allergens forgotten from friends' and servers' memory, this idea makes me nervous but I understand that for the sake of your chef's privacy, it may feel more secure).

2. When a customer asks to know exactly what is in something, tell them (or give them above suggested list/menu) a full ingredients list, rather than asking what someone can't eat. For many people, being asked this question brings up a lot of guilt and shame at being "hard to feed" and contributes to a sense of otherness. In my case, I know that the list of things I can't eat is so long that the server does not have the time to hear it, and I don't have the desire or energy to say it.

3. All dressings should be mentioned on the menu, or the server should confirm with the customer whether they would like their salad dressed or the dressing on the side. In my case, a simple dressing of lemon and olive oil is often the best option, as vinegars, soy based sauces, and many oils aggravate my condition.

These suggestions are designed to make me feel safer to come to your restaurant to eat. As I mentioned, there are no other restaurants I have found in the city to accommodate my needs, and as you can imagine, because eating out is often central to social activity and celebration, it is very important to me to have positive experiences at your establishment.

Thank you for working food sensitivities into your business plan and I look forward to another delicious meal at the shop soon.

Best,
Fiona

fionafood

below is a (hopefully readable and understandable) list/description of how i eat.

i created it to share with family, friends, and community who have expressed interest in eating with me.

eating with people is a really complicated thing for me, and i have a lot to say about it, here's the bones.

i haven't shared this specific a list before for fear of burdening and intimidating people, but i am doing so now in the hopes that it will, in fact, make sharing food with me more manageable.
just because i am sharing this does not imply that i expect every meal we eat together to stick to it - though i will only be able to eat that which does.

too many times i have eaten things with an ingredient that does contribute to my digestive problems because i feel both grateful for having been invited for food and guilty for being so challenging to cook for.
i need to stop doing this.

i am trying to take my health more seriously and i need others to do the same, trusting that i am not avoiding foods for no reason, but because it is imperative to my health and functioning.

food builds community. you are my community.

fermented vegetables and non-starch vegetables + sea vegetables
(NO nightshades, avocados, beets, parsnips or mushrooms)
garlic, onions and ginger are all acceptable and well loved.

-can be eaten with:

animal protein:
eggs
fish (no shellfish)
turkey
lamb
bison

OR

starchy foods:
squash
peas
artichokes
millet (ideally pre-soaked overnight)
quinoa (ideally pre-soaked overnight

OR

protein fats:
milk kefir
plain yogurt
almonds (ideally soaked, small amounts only)
hemp seeds
flax seeds
chia seeds

---

virgin, unrefined oils:
(can be eaten with anything, but only small amounts with animal protein foods)
coconut (best for cooking)
olive
pumpkin seed
flax seed
evening primrose
walnut
sesame
sunflower

other things i definitely do consume:
raw apple cider vinegar (with anything)
herbal tea (no ‘natural flavours’ or citric acid, or fruit tea)
salt n’ pepper
herbs (no nightshade spices like cayenne, paprika, etc)
lemons and limes
xylitol, stevia, and lakanto sweeteners

notes:
food combining made simple: veggies can combine with anything, but starch, dairy and animal protein must be eaten hours apart.
meals should be 80% non-starch vegetable, 20% animal protein, starch, or protein fat. lemons and limes can be used with anything as a flavour, even though fruit is typically avoided.

some things that i definitely cannot eat, that people often assume i can:
corn
legumes (beans, lentils, chickpeas, etc)
nuts (accept almonds in small doses)
coconut milk
soy sauce (and all things soy)
berries and apples
brown rice
vinegar (other than apple cider vinegar)
honey

a note about organics:
i avoid non-organic foods when possible not because i am high on a moral horse, but because chemicals and antibiotics (in meat) can seriously mess with a system as sensitive as mine. i am aware of the class implications of demanding these high-cost foods and do make exceptions at times in my own purchasing choices as well as when i am being graciously offered food. with meat, i am stricter about organic (when i am purchasing i go as far as wanting to know the farmer or know a lot about the farm, because organic sometimes means very little) because i am concerned about animal welfare and the (il)legitimacy of certifications such as ‘organic’ and ‘free range’. i am also very concerned about the ecological impacts of factory farming and genetic modification. that said, i know that being able to make these choices is a reflection of my privilege and i do not wish to alienate my communities by making unreasonable demands. if you can stick to the above lists which are imperative for my health, i will appreciate you more than i can say. i am not making these choices in an effort to be as frustrating as possible, i am making them so that i can function in my daily life.
i cannot express how alienating it is to be virtually unable to eat with the people that i love. i am always willing to support folks who want to include me in meals by providing ingredients, advice, recipes, and even cooking support if need be (though i can’t say how lovely it is to every so often not have to think about the meal i’m about to eat).

thanks for reading this and eating with me!